I have been brooding the last few weeks about the holidays. At the time, I was focusing on the lack of decorations we had…(as in none) and just trying to make the best of it. Then a dear friend was going through her things and discovered that she had more than she could use, and gathered up a 6ft tree and other things that she’s giving to us! Made me realize how very lucky I am to have such amazing friends that are so selfless and generous.
But even after this realization, I was still in a funk that I could not seem to shake. I was thinking it was just because I hadn’t gotten the items yet and put them up. But I no longer think that’s the issue. The issue is that this is the first Christmas ever without my kids. I won’t get to see any of them this time. The 3 girls will be in Texas with their father, and my son will be in Missouri with his father. I’m ok with not having to travel, but I miss my kids like crazy and I have NEVER not been with them during Christmas time.
Then, suddenly, I realized what it really was that I wanted this season. Unfortunately, it’s something that I’m not going to get for several years to come most likely. I want one day, whether it be Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, with my boyfriend, his daughter, and all 4 of my kids, in our house. They are the people I love and the people I want to spend my holiday with. I wonder how long I will have to wait.