Struggling Mother

Before I get into the meat of this topic, let me give you a little background history…..very little. I am a 32-year-old mother of 4 & currently in the middle of a divorce from my 2nd husband. I married my 1st husband when I was a pregnant teenager and realized fairly quickly that it was not going to last. I married my 2nd husband at the tender age of 21 and by the time I was 23, we had 3 daughters. A set of twins that were born 3 months premature and another born 14 months later.  I was a stay at home mom for the next 9 years and spent my days taking care of our house and our kids and supporting my husband’s goals and ambitions. Once the youngest daughter got situated into school and all the kids were involved in activities, I decided it was time for me to branch out and start to make some of my dreams, realities. Dreams that had come to a screeching halt the instant I got pregnant with my first child at 17. My new-found freedom did not sit well with my husband and our marriage started to disintegrate very quickly. We decided to go our separate ways and since he was the one with the education and a newly acquired job, I let him take the girls with him. I have no formal education and any job I could get now would not pay enough to support me living on my own, much less be enough to raise 3 daughters.

This brings me to my current situation. My daughters are now 10 and 9 years old and live 7 hours away from me. They are entering a difficult stage in their lives, beginning puberty and dealing with all kinds of new situations and scenarios. This is an important time between mothers and daughters. Just as it is an important time between fathers and sons. Changes are happening and questions are being asked that only the same-sex parent can answer with the most authority. My twins are beginning this change and are now in need of more appropriate under-clothes. I was aware of this change this past summer and was trying to keep a fairly close eye on it even though we are so far apart. Their father, however, decided to take it upon himself and was going to take the to the local department store to be measured and fitted appropriately. Thankfully I was able to intervene and tried to explain to him that this was one of those things that are supposed to be done as mother and daughter. He started to get agitated and started saying the “expected” things. Ie: “you made this choice”, etc. I was able to explain my position and made him understand where I was coming from with my request for him to wait and let me do it when I saw the girls over the holidays. But, that’s just the issue. I don’t feel I should’ve had to explain my point of view on this one. This, to me, seems like common sense; common courtesy, even. There are thousands of things that he’s going to have to handle on his own with our daughters. Things I won’t be able to be there for. This is one of those delicate situations that is best dealt with by a mother. There are so many milestones coming up that I am going to have to miss. I should not have to request that he hold back on one of the biggest milestones in a young girl’s life, and let their mother guide them through it properly. I’m sure there are more frustrations like this on the horizon….

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